Researched and Written by: AMESPINOZAJR.
It was a historical day in America when California became the second state to legalize same sex marriage. On May 15, 2008, members of third sex celebrated this milestone that made way for more than 18,000 same-sex couples to legally marry in California. After six months, the joy of slowly achieving equality was short lived when Proposition 8 overturned the rights of homosexuals to marry by restricting marriage to male-female couples. On November 5, 2008, members of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) Community was saddened and infuriated by this suppression. Homosexuals, heterosexuals, people of different race, color and age who share the same sentiments with the LGBT community protested. The number of protesters reached to 1 million in 300 cities around the nation
On the other hand, supporters of traditional marriage who are mostly conservatives, republicans, members of the religious sects, leaders of churches and elders, rejoiced the preservation of union between a man and a woman. At the Miss USA 2009 pageant, one of the judge Perez Hilton, an openly gay celebrity blogger asked Miss California 2009 Carrie Prejean about her views on same-sex marriage, and she answered, "… in my country and in my family, I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman" ("Miss USA"). The cheers and applauds from anti-same-sex marriage and boo's from pro-same-sex marriage were loudly audible. For Carrie Prejean and supporters of anti-same-sex marriage the union of same-sex couples through marriage is wrong in every angle: political, social and religious. Despite these arguments against same-sex marriage, I consider myself on the other side. I believe that same-
People who oppose same-sex marriage believes that it is not necessary to change the definition of marriage which is between a man and a woman by amending the constitution since same-sex couples have an option to file for domestic partnership. Although domestic partnership have benefits such as involving in property ownership and support obligations, it is limited and not recognize in all states and by the federal government. Unlike in opposite-sex marriage, couples in domestic partnership lack benefits which are enjoyed by their counterparts: Social Security benefits, veteran's benefits, health insurance, Medicaid, hospital visitation, estate taxes, retirement savings, pensions, family leave, immigration law, cost of supporting household, lower cost of insurance, inheritance, federal tax break. Opponents argue that these legal rights can be achieved through court. Power of attorney will enable a person in same-sex relationship to have a medical decision and visitation for his or her partner. Why would same-sex couples run an extra mile by spending expensive legal fees and spend hours and days in courts when these legal rights are immediately available through marriage? If opposite-sex couples can file domestic partnership or do civil union, why do they still resort to marriage? People who get married know that legal rights entailing marriage is not the main reason why they marry, but because it is the ultimate expression of love and commitment. Ellen de Generes, a famous host and proud member of third sex community married her long time girlfriend actress Portia de Rossi at the time California law allowed same-sex marriage; she appeared on Oprah Show and said, "People who are married know there is a difference" ("Ellen").
Inability to procreate is another reason why people oppose same-sex marriage. It is true that same-sex couples cannot procreate, but there are also married opposite-sex couples who cannot produce an offspring due to age, medical reasons, or personal choice. When heterosexual couples decide to marry, they are not asked to prove if they can bear a child or not; therefore inability to conceive should not be the basis of denying marriage to same-sex couples. Just like legal rights, procreation is not the sole purpose of marriage but for the married couples union to be universally acknowledge and extend family ties. If procreation hinders same-sex couples to marry, there are a lot of ways to conceive a child. According to my sister, she have read an article saying that there are one hundred and one ways to conceive a child. Technological advancements and possible ways of conceiving a child like artificial insemination, in-vitro fertilization, test tube baby, and surrogate mothers are few alternatives where heterosexual couples resort when they are having difficulty in bearing a child. If these technologies and alternatives are accessible to opposite-sex couples then it should be accessible to same-sex couples as well. The Defense of Marriage Act defines marriage as legal union between a man and a woman as husband and wife. It doesn’t say anything about the ability of the couple to conceive an offspring, hence procreation should not be a reason to decline same-sex couples desire to marriage.
The well-being of children is also a basis of people who opposes same-sex marriage. According to them, it deprives children of having both a mother and a father. In CNN.com, Taylor Gandossy wrote an article about two gay parents and their adopted child. One of the gay parents, Rob Calhoun uttered, "We're not moms, we're not heterosexuals. We're not biological parents. But we are totally equal and just as loving as female parents, as straight parents, and biological parents. Love makes a family and not biology or gender" (Gandossy). Children who grew up on same-sex family structure may not have both a father and mother but there are also a lot of single parents across the nation. There are some heterosexual couples or parents who even abandon their kids ending up on adoption centers or foster homes. I know the feeling of people who grew up without parents since I have friends who are raised by their grandparents or uncles and aunts. They always wish that they have met their parents and feel how it is to be loved by them. Although same-sex couples can biological conceived through artificial insemination for female-female partner and surrogate mother for male-male partners, adoption is also a viable way to have a child in an alternative family structure. I believe that homosexual parents are as equally capable and loving as heterosexual parents, and this love should fill the hole of the abandon child's heart.
Besides depriving a child of having a mother and a father, anti-same-sex marriage supporters think that children growing from an alternative family structure will have a negative effect on the child's mental, psychological, social, and emotional aspect. The opponents os same-sex marriage believe that a child will do best mentally if raised by heterosexual parents since the child will be able to associate with both male and female figure as oppose to just two female or two male parents. Children of homosexual couples may be subjected to discrimination or ridiculed by people in school or public places, thereby affecting their psychological, social and emotional aspect. However, studies show that children who grew up with same-sex parents have no negative effect on the child's wellbeing. In 2005, the American Academy of Pediatrics made a twenty-five years of research and documented that there is no relationship between parents' sexual orientation and the child's emotional, psychosocial, behavioral adjustment. In 2006, the psychological research made by Canadian Psychological Association showed that there is no reliable difference in children's mental health or social adjustment in families of same-sex or opposite-sex parents. In 2007, the Australian Psychological Society stated that it is the family processes such as the quality of parenting and relationship within the family that affects the children's wellbeing rather than the family structure such as number, gender or sexuality of parents ("Same-sex"). These numerous studies around the world shows that homosexual parenting can be as healthy as heterosexual parenting.
Protesters of same-sex marriage regard homosexuality as unusual lifestyle. They believe that homosexuality is psychological and it can be corrected. One who is homosexual can choose a normal heterosexual lifestyle. Allowing same-sex marriage will only condone this abnormal way of life. Walter and Retter addressed the issue about same-sex attraction being unnatural. According to them, doing unnatural things is not necessarily wrong or immoral since human beings do many unnatural things every day; wearing clothes is unnatural since we are born without clothes, and these fabrics are not natural parts of our body; we cut or shave our hair that grows naturally; we use dye on our hair and change its' natural color; we tattoo unnatural ink and color to our skin; and undergoing surgery to change the shape of one's body. They further added that if homosexuality is unnatural then why is it found in nature such as in animals like in seagulls, elephants, lizards, whales and even primates. Two female animal may form a tight bond, look for food, rest, sleep together and rub each others' genitals for pleasure. Two male animals may take a sexual partnership with each other (Williams and Retter introduction). Regarding with homosexuality as a lifestyle, if it is a lifestyle then no one would choose it because of the negative issues attached to it: discrimination, prejudice, demoralization, and being branded as sinners. But scientist and researchers agree that homosexuality is not a lifestyle but as a result of combination of factors [environmental and biological] such as relationship with parents, relationship with peers, various experiences, genes, brain structure and prenatal hormone exposure ("Causes"). Since homosexuality is not a choice and there is environmental and biological causation for it, then denying marriage to same-sex couples is like denying marriage base on skin color or race.
The biggest hurdle for same-sex marriage is the notion that homosexuality is a sin. Major religious groups and conservatives comprise the large percentage of those who are against same-sex marriage. They emphasize that it is written in the bible that man is only for a woman. In Genesis, Eve is created for Adam. They also point out that people who chooses to be homosexual will be punished such as those in Sodom and Gomorrah. Just last week, Mayor Osby Davis of Vallejo, California stated that gay people are committing sin and will be denied entry to heaven. These statements infuriated supporters of LGBT community and sparked protest outside the mayor's office. I felt sad hearing this news specially when these words came from a black person whose forefathers and ancestors once fought discrimination. It wasn’t too long ago when Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, the Sitters and Freedom Riders fought for equality and civil rights, yet here is one person whose race was discriminated before, now discriminating another minority.
Supporters of opposite-sex marriage refers to the book of Genesis that God created only a man and a woman and they are for each other. They note that God did not create "in-between" sexes. On the other hand, Walter and Retter cited some stories in the bible that shows same sex attraction which can be found on Ruth 1:15-19, and Second Samuel 1:11-12, 17, 25-26. In the book of Ruth, Ruth confessed her love for Naomi: And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee; for whither thou goest, I will go; and where though lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if out part thee and mee. When Naomi saw that she was steadfastly minded to go with her, then she left speaking unto her. So they two went until they were come to Bethlehem [where they live the remainder of their lives together] (qtd in Walter 15). Walter and Retter further asserts that story of David and John was so intense that it surpassed the love of a man and a woman [Second Samuel 1:11-12, 17, 25-26]: Then David took hold on his clothes, and rent them; and likewise all the men that were with him; and they mourned, and wept, and fasted…And David lamented…O Jonathan, thou wast slain in thine high places. I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: they love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women (qtd in Walter 16).
If there are religious groups who are against same-sex marriage, there are also churches that supports it. In August 2009, The Evangelical Church in US started to advocate for same-sex marriage. They say that the term "homosexual" is a paraphrase and not found in original bible and that it refers only to specific sex acts and idol worshipping that is not relevant to modern same-sex relationship. This group also claims that same-sex marriage is equally moral with opposite-sex marriage ("Religious"). In the film Milk, starring Sean Penn, I was touched by the scene where a young boy who is gay called Harvey Milk and said that his parents are going to bring him to the hospital because they said that homosexuality is a sickness and wrong, and God will hate and punish him. Harvey Milk responded, "…there is nothing wrong with you, you are not sick and God loves you" (Milk).
On the process of accepting homosexuality, there are a lot of things that crossed my mind. If God said in the bible that there are no accidents in life because he designed everyone in all aspect; from the time one will be born and breath in their first air to the time one will die, from eye color to ones' skin color, ones' race, and sexuality, then homosexuality is not a mistake. If homosexuality is a sin, then one would have to live in a world which is morally depicted by majority which is to be heterosexual. But being somebody who they are not is living a lie and lying is also a sin. Saying somebody is ugly does not make anyone look better. Saying somebody is stupid does not make anyone smarter. Saying that someone is sinner does not make anyone a saint. I know from the bible stories that Jesus wants us to perpetuate love and accept one another because we are all brothers and sisters, but how do these laws against same-sex couples teach other people to love those who are different from them? Once a friend told me, when a person dies, he or she is greeted by God in the gates of heaven. God will not ask us regarding our race, skin color or sexuality to enter to His kingdom but rather what we did to inspire, spread love and good deed to people around us. I wonder if those people who are against same-sex marriage suddenly knew that their mother, father, uncle, aunt, brother, sister, closest
Cleveland Jones describes how he witnessed a gay parade in Barcelona and police came to stop them. The gay people turned around and said no. One of the drag queen's scalp was ripped off by a bullet, blood gushes down the gutter, but she kept on fighting (Milk). My friends boyfriend gave him a card and wrote, "..the love you and I have is a kind of love that everybody is yearning for…the love you and I have is a kind of love that everybody is searching for that sometimes even a lifetime is not enough to find it nor experience it." For me, love is the most powerful emotion because from it, other emotions arise: happiness, hope, inspiration, courage, strength, sadness, disappointment, frustration, hatred; and in the religious point of view, it is what created us all. Love is elusive and a person who is lucky to find it regardless of sexual orientation knows that he or she will do anything to keep it, even it means dodging a bullet. The love homosexual feels is not different from what everybody feels. I am optimistic that same-sex marriage will be accepted by the society as evidenced by decreasing percentage between anti-same-sex marriage and pro-same-sex marriage.
One day, same-sex couples hope marry their partner. One day, same-sex couples hope that society, family, relative, and the religion they believe will bless their relationship through sanctity of marriage. One day, they want the whole world to witness their union and confession of eternal love. That one day maybe not be today or tomorrow, but I believe somehow, someday, that one day will happen. Stop H8 and equality for all.
